Mansplained to death

We all know mansplaining is a thing. Chances are everyone has been mansplained at some point in their lives (yes even men get mansplained, I watch it happen to my O.H.), but the facts are women get mansplained at a lot more often, and with more ferocity.

Well, yesterday I got mansplained at, and I acted shamefully. I smiled and agreed with him. I was so angry at myself afterwards. I thought I was angry with him (I was!), but I realised that I was more angry with myself than anything, for not setting him straight. But my genuine reaction in the moment was…..”I can’t be arsed, it’s not worth it”.

“It’s not worth having this conversation. It’s not worth arguing with this guy who is so clearly cock-sure in his limited (and wrong) knowledge. I just want to finish making my coffee, I don’t want a weird tense thing happening at work with this large intimidating, socially angry man.”

What happened was this: Somehow in an awkward, small talk situation around the kettle, the subject of my being a vegetarian came up. I said to him that I had been a vegetarian since I was a baby, as my family were vegetarians, (read, this is not a passing phase).

He mentioned that that was ok, because at least I could eat fish. I said that no, I could not and did not eat fish. He said “Ah, so you’re actually more a vegan than vegetarian.”

In my life, I have encountered this a lot. I always get asked if I eat fish. No I do not. I am a vegetarian. I do not eat fish. “Some vegetarians do.” No they don’t. Pescatarians eat fish. Vegetarians do not. If a vegetarian eats a fish, they are no longer a vegetarian are they? It is quite a simple, black and white matter. You do not get vegetarians that “sometimes” eat bacon. You do not get vegans that “sometimes” eat cheese.  You do not get vegetarians that “sometimes” eat fish.


I smiled at him in the end and said “Yeah, I guess so” because his insistence that he knew more about the issue than me was frankly quite intimidating. He is a least a foot taller than me and largely built, and has a tendency to undermine women at any given opportunity, so I acquiesced.

But I felt angry, angry that I had backed down, angry that I had allowed myself to be intimidated and angry that I felt powerless to do anything in the situation.

It was a trivial matter, but to have someone insisting that you are something you are not, to the point where they want to hear you say it back to them, to validate the fact that they are right and you are wrong, is a weird and unsettling experience.



Trump’s Legacy

OK, so I don’t usually do political. I get so wound up by this sort of crap that I hide every Facebook story and when my poor O.H. tries to talk to me about politics I start singing and putting my fingers in my ears. I know what’s going on, I don’t need to add fuel to the fire and give people like Mr. D Trump any more air time in my head, unless it is hilarious,(

I digress, a conversation came up today which reminded me of an old journal entry I wrote at counselling college a few years back

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In the journal entry I wrote about how I was prejudiced towards those who had prejudices. I realised that there is so much hatred in this world, I don’t want to add to the hate by hating those who may be causing pain right now. I don’t know what to feel towards them, to be honest I can’t stretch to understanding or forgiveness, but I will not add to the hatred.

Trump is the President of the United States. (Repeat again if it’s hard to say the first time round). he is going to leave a legacy, as he is now part of the history books. So let’s try and make the legacy he leaves behind a legacy of love. Let us love each other more fiercely than we did before. Let’s stand up for strangers more than we did before. Let’s not add to the hatred and the prejudice.

Let’s Talk about Rupaul

Isn’t he amazing?

For a few years now I have had a printed out picture of Ru at my desk at work. A bit weird? Maybe, but he inspires me.

Rupaul started out studying performing arts. He became a fixture on the nightclub scene, before becoming famous and being the first drag supermodel of the world!

b23ae959-ef00-4b64-b5f6-0f4879e07dac-2060x1236    This is the image that I have on my desk at work.

His career is amazing and such fun, he was once quoted as saying “What other people think of me is not my business. What I do is what I do. How people see me doesn’t change what I decide to do. I don’t choose projects so people don’t see me as one thing or another. I choose projects that excite me. I think the problem is that people refuse to understand what drag is outside of their own belief system.” – Rupaul

He is so wise, and humble, and fabulous. He has inspired so many people and allowed them to be themselves. He is deserving of the titles, “Legend”, “Mama”, “Superstar of the World”. He is so deserving of his Emmy, and of the love that out-pours for him.

Above all he is accepting, and that is what really touches me. He doesn’t write people off, he gives people chances, he looks at people, and talks to them, as if he can see right through them, through any bullshit, and see the true human being stood in front of him. He doesn’t dismiss people, he manages to find a beauty and redeeming wonderful thing in everyone that he talks to.


8 years ago he launched Drag Race. I remember watching the first season on an obscure channel (I am from the UK), at  2am with my sister and just being mesmerised. After the second season it got pulled from the channel, and I had no way of watching it until a couple of years ago, when it arrived on Netflix. I binged seasons 2-6 in a week and then started rewatching them.Then season 7 came out and, (sorry about this Mama Ru), I found every illegal video from Puerto Rico on YouTube and managed to catch seasons 7 and 8. And now season 9 is starting this Friday…I am gonna be watching the YouTube channels like a hawk!!